My poor baby MA is having going to sleep issues, and I don't know how to help her. She and K share a room, and used to go to bed at the same time. Prior to her bottle being taken away (about a month ago), she didn't have any trouble getting to sleep, but nowadays not so much. I tried giving her a sippy cup with water (no help). We're trying putting her down before K, so that she can cry herself to sleep before K goes in there (when we put them both in at the same time, they both wind up crying hysterically. It happened several nights in a row, and that I just can't handle).
Now she just cries and cries and cries (we don't check on her; we just let her cry). Tonight we put her down at 8, and she cried until 9:30. It's at least 30 minutes EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I really am on the edge of crazy with this... Do I put her in another room? Stock up on tequila and earplugs? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
9 months ago
9 comments:
Wow, Shannon, that's tough! Does she have a lovey? Do you have a set routine before bedtime? Like, every night you start with a bath, brush teeth, a story, a song, a prayer, then bed. (Then leave the room.) I've heard that these sorts of things are comforting to children whether they realize it or not. I know if Jack or Maggie have to sleep without their respective "loveys" it just doesn't work! We always end with a song for the little ones, too.
She does have a lovey, Kelley, and we do the whole bedtime routine bit. She just really rebels against going to sleep now that she doesn't have her bottle...
She actually winds up throwing her lelly (her pink elephant), her blanket, her sippy cup, and her clothes (diaper included) out of the crib before she finally settles down. We've tried everything to help her keep her clothes on, short of duct taping them to her body....
it may sound mean but have you spanked her yet?...we were in a parenting class last summer and the pastor was encouraging us to respond in love but that responding is important...i used to try to ignore the little things the kids would do but he called me out on it...gently spurring us to give clear expectations and spank to follow thru whenever the child deliberately rebels...understandably it must be hard to give up such a cherished item but just say that to her...MA i know it is very hard to fall asleep with out your bottle, but mommy and daddy have decided you are old enough to only use a cup. let's pray and ask God to help you sleep well and then we will read (or whatever your routine is). when the light goes out you are to stay in your bed. you are NOT allowed to cry loudly (another thing he said was that you should respect their emotions but not allow them to manipulate with their actions, esp girls seem to learn early on that crying gets them a lot of attention)then spank her anytime she gets out of the bed or cries out loudly...i think about 30 min by herself before you put K in her bed and remind MA that she is to stay in her bed and NOT to cry loudly...just some things that have helped us when routines change...i will pray for you as you seek to glorify God in rearing those little people...love you tons
also-cute pic!
Thanks, Rae! We have tried that, but I think it hasn't been in that loving spirit...more of a "If I have to come in here one more time..." kinda thing. Love the idea of praying with her about it. ;o)
a dear new friend and i talked about that when the kids got to be about 18 months that they really understand so much more than we credit them with...i am guilty so many times of excusing their behavior thinking they must not have heard me or understood but it is clear that when they willfully disobey they are aware that they have the obligation to do as they are told...i can't obey without Christ and the Holy Spirit in me, how can i expect any more of them...we concluded that prayer should accompany discipline (even spankings) not that i am faithful to do it every time but it is really a good practice and heart check for me in my guiding them to learn to obey, since my prayer for them is to know and serve our Savior someday soon...i WILL pray for you as often as you come to mind...keep us updated for how we can pray more...love you
also we got to hear Tedd Tripp a few years back and something he said sticks with me. He gave instructions to his son and the son did not obey promptly. the son's excuse was that he did not hear his dad so he shouldn't get a spanking. Tedd said well then i won;t spank you for disobeying i will spank you for not hearing my voice (which made me think of the scripture about the sheep hearing the shepherd's voice) anyway, i thought it was good that he pointed out the importance of children listening for their parents instruction with out them having to raise their voice. the kids are really getting good at coming when i say their name. i just like the idea that they pay attention to where i am so that they are close enough for me to give directions/protect them!
Shannon, also, depending upon when her nap is (or especially if she doens't nap) she could VERY well be over-tired, over-stimulated and having a very hard time winding down. I know for us, our kids go to bed at 7:30pm; we start the 'routine' around 7pm. However, if neither of them had a nap they are in bed no later than 7pm(our 4 year old 'rarely' does but always has rest time, hardly ever falls asleep unless he got up early. But dd who is 2.5 always has a nap and falls asleep easily for it, as our kids are usually up by 6:30 or earlier everyday). For us it matters not if we put them to bed at 7pm or 9pm, they are always up no later than 6:30am, so we have decided it is better for them to get adequate sleep. Thus, putting them to bed early. We even found with ds that an earlier bedtime usually equated into an easier unwind time. Also, by cutting our routine (sometimes bath, always brushing teeth, reading 2 books, saying prayers and Bible verses) from 25minutes to about 15 minutes helped tremendously, as well. I will say, though, with my dd, if she sleeps PAST 2pm she is 'wired' until 8pm or later, so we make sure she is up by 2pm because we extremely VALUE our couple time in the evenings after the kids are settled into bed.
A great book is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" the doctor really talks about the sleep cycles of a child and the importance of sleep. I know ya'll are dealing with having gotten rid of the bottle--and that is hard--we were done with bottle early, about 11 or 12 mths, but my son had a paci until 2 years and daughter still sucks her thumb. When we got rid of Jadon's paci it was TORTURE...he didn't use it as a paci, but as a teether....aarrgh.
Good luck.....
Hi there, a mutual friend sent me your blog link - I might have some sleep help.
We have a sweet little 2 yr old boy who went through a really tough sleep (or rather no sleep) month before we went for his 2 yr checkup. The Dr. gave me a really hard time about his sleeping habits and insisted that we do the cry-it-out. I know it works for some people, but I find cry-it-out to be kind of cruel and just not the answer for me.
I stumbled onto a book that has helped us a lot and might help you too. Nathan was refusing to nap and often falling asleep in the car on the way home from Grandma's, where he stays during the weekday while I work. With no dinner he'd be up several times in the night requiring a bottle and rocking him in the chair til he falls asleep. It became a horrible cycle. Before that he was doing naps okay and sleeping through the night most nights - now to get him there we had to give him 1 - 2 bottles and rock him in a chair til he falls asleep and then slip him into bed and pray he doesn't wake up.
Our Doctor said no more bottle and just drop him in bed and close the door.
Here's what we are doing instead...and it is working!
During the day, Grandma doesn't mention milk or offer it. If he wants it, it goes in a sippy cup. At nap time she lays a blanket on the floor with pillows and books. They read several books and then Grandma lays down and says Nap time. Some days he fusses and cries, rolls around and stalls. But for the most part, with a few encouraging "close your eyes", "it's sleepy time" he is alseep in 3o minutes. Then Grandma can go do things or take a nap herself. (we are careful to not let him sleep more than 2 hours!) On the weekends, at nap time we read several stories and then I give him the choice to put him in his bed and sit next to the bed til he falls asleep or lay out a blanket on the floor and lay with him til he falls asleep. We try to keep the nap time very consistent.
With a consistent nap, bedtime is getting better. I highly recommend the book I got and it's on sale at Amazon.com for $3.99 right now. It's called The Floppy Sleep Game Book by Patti Teel. She tells you exactly what to do each night after your bedtime routine - combined yoga stretching and deep breathing to relax and then imaginative stories to help them learn to fall asleep on their own. Some of the concepts are a little old for my son, but with help he does the exercises and listens to the stories. We are on week 3 and although it takes him an hour most nights to fall asleep and we aren't able to leave the room before that yet - we are taking our boy and putting him in bed, awake, without a bottle and he is falling asleep on his own! He's also putting himself back to sleep on his own if he wakes in the night! To me that is huge!! We play it up as this fun game we will be doing and if he says he doesn't want to, we say "that's okay, we're going to do it anyway." He has not asked for a bottle at bedtime once!
To me the progress is really great, although we haven't gotten it to where we want to be yet. But the book makes sense - teach them how to learn to relax then how to use their imagination to drift off to dream land. All very good skills to have.
I don't know if this will work for you or for everyone - each child is different. But it's working for us, without a fight or most days without a tear. I can't really ask for more than that from a child who has always fought going to sleep and never napped well!
I hope it is helpful!
(sorry to be Anonymous, but I don't have a blog or website - my name is Amelia) I'll check back if you have questions.
Thanks ladies for all the wonderful advice! Things have actually gotten so much better since I posted this. Actually THAT NIGHT she started on a new routine with my mom that seemed to work wonders (I also knew that sweet friends were praying. What a blessing!).
My mom loves to rock the "baby," and found that after rocking her for about 5 minutes, she actually asked for her bed (as opposed to just plopping her in bed to scream it out). We've been doing it since then, and she's really getting the hang of it, thank the Lord!
Thanks again!
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